Recently, in the Windsor Star, as most of you know by now, the mayor announced plans to construct a canal system in the much-maligned near-west section of downtown. These canals will be lined with luxurious 300,000 dollar condominiums (urban village, anyone?) lovely docks for 300,000 dollar yachts, and quaint shops. Well, about as quaint as a large contracting firm can make a building, I'm sure. Plans for this site have been numerous, and as of now, completely irrelevant. This is the beginning of something big, the mayor promises.
Boldly, in a rare outburst, Edward proclaimed, "If you don't think we are going to do this, just WATCH us." This behavior from our normally taciturn leader was in response to the droves of his subjects who struggle to believe the mayor is building a bowl of corn flakes in the morning, let alone a large, expensive canal system in the city's core.
Strangely I somehow believe Edward this time. Not because his few brave words stirred revolution in my heart, but because this is all a part of a plan that is now going to come to fruition, and nothing could terrify me more.
What IS this plan, you ask? This devious, malicious, horrifying masterplan? Mr. Francis plans to turn our beloved city into the largest retirement community in Ontario.
I realised this approximately a year ago, after watching the large casino expansion rise above the horizon. I would often think to myself, who is going to gamble in this economy?. Windsor and Detroit have two of the most pathetic excuses for economies in North America, and I could not, at the time, see how it could possibly get better, and just who would be doing all of the slot machine pulling and buffet eating. The mayor seemed to be doing nothing about bringing large companies into our city to create much needed slot machine lever pulling and buffet eating funds for the populace. Yes, he set the table for Sutherland Global, yet I find it impossible to believe someone could support a family with ten dollars an hour. Well, at least it gets some of us off of the system, for now. Mr. Francis also gushes about the lovely service-based economy we should evolve into, out of our manufacturing, neanderthalistic ways. I thought service based jobs (retail, bartending, shooter-girling, stripping) were for college students, since they were mostly part time positions. I guess I've been terribly misinformed.
I've often been puzzled about why Windsor can't be more like Dublin, Limerick, Birmingham, or Manchester. Those cities once lived and breathed the textile and warehousing industries, yet after the second world war, they all became largely derilect, giving birth to countless cases of clinical depression and countless awesome rock bands. They recently saved themselves, becoming host to large technology companies, especially in Ireland. Ireland is now a wonderful place to live, and make money. Why can't my city, your city, have these positive turns of events occur on our shores? We are a lot closer to Silicon Valley than Limerick could ever hope to be, yet here we are, on the brink, and nobody who can do anything about our many quandries seems to want to act.
The city could have large technology firms set up shop here. I dont believe fear of the big bad union is to blame for the lack of tenants. They are a shadow of their former selves. I compare them to the mafia. Once powerful and relevant, now mostly a caricature of itself, as if the union was playing the union in a bad Mexican soap opera. It's loved ones keep leaving it, and it isn't getting any younger, so it tries to wear a bit more eyeshadow to hide the crows feet, yet it just makes the union look even worse. Large, powerful companies know this, and do not take the union seriously any more than they do the government. They just want to make money, and they are not concerned with the rabblings of a disgruntled few. We have a large, willing workforce, plenty of cheap housing and tax breaks, its almost tailor made for a large group of companies to move right in, yet they stay far away from the party. I believe it is because they were never invited.
Why would you invite large companies here with thousands of high-paying jobs when your dream is a population with the median age of 68?
Our leaders want young, intelligent people to move away from this city as soon as possible. The retirees who will come in droves need nice, cheap real estate to live in. The second kick in the sturnum occured when the mayor proposed having a special charter flight to Edmonton and Calgary every week, for those of us who wanted to work in Alberta, yet were trepidatious due to family ties, homesickness, all of that gushy human emotion stuff. Mr. Francis assured us that he wanted people to come home on the weekend and spend their large western paycheques in Windsor stores, malls, bars and restaurants.
I believe he just made it easier for people to move out to Alberta permanently. House hunting during the week, we could easily bide our time before a house became available, and then make the jump gradually. Wouldn't you love to say your goodbyes slowly and gradually? Spending just one more weekend with your best friends, one at a time, then making the great leap due west? It makes it a lot less intimidating doesn't it? Maybe you could find all your friends who need good jobs a gig in Calgary, and you could all live there, start a family and be happy. You certainly have the means. They could then move out of their houses and apartments without a care in the world, and all their loose ends tied up. We have not seen the end of projects such as these. I'm waiting for the Windsor to Saskatoon special to be coming to an airport near you.
Grace Hospital, my birthplace, ironically will become a large retirement home in the next 5 years, possibly sooner. The Royal Marquis hotel on Howard Avenue, the site of many drunken hotel parties, is now a retirement resort. Yes, we have a resort in the city limits, and you are not welcome to live there if you aren't a senior. The largest segment of the North American population is reaching retirement age. They have one thing young people in this area simply do not have any longer. Expendable income. Seniors go shopping, they pay taxes, they vote, they go to restaurants and boutiques. Young people do none of those things with the frequency that older people do. Even if they did, there is simply more older people on this continent than young, so majority rules, children.
Will this city flourish in the next one hundred years? Absolutely. It will be a lovely, safe, shimmering place to live... if you are retired. Close to Detroit for our American residents, the warmest climate in all of Canada for our compatriots, packed with malls, shops, hospitals, restaurants, a huge, beautiful casino, and our most shining jewel, our beautful canal system, lined with shiny new upscale condominiums and boutiques! Windsor is just like Las Vegas and Venice put together! Yet it's safer, cleaner, closer, and a lot cheaper to live in! By the way, have you seen their housing prices?!
Hurry before it's too late.
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